Today, my mom and dad celebrate 42 years of marriage. I’m in such awe of them – not necessarily because they’ve been married this long, but because of the life they’ve built together.
I’ve been thinking the last few days about what I’ve learned from them, particularly about marriage. Here are the 3 lessons that really have stayed with me.
Understanding your spouse as an individual
One thing my parents know is who their spouse is. My dad deeply understands how much decorating the house means to Mommy and my mom knows that Daddy is gonna watch the game, no matter how late it starts. My favorite part about this is that they give each other space to be. My mom still doesn’t care about sports and Daddy certainly doesn’t care about the area rug in the living room. On a deeper level, I think they do a good job allowing each other to rest, be alone, and spend time with friends. When you’re married, you do so many things together – which is a blessing – but even after 42 years, my parents have stayed true to themselves as individuals without diluting the strength of their marriage.
Giving with your spouse
If I admire anything about my parents, it’s how giving they are. They have always been givers – I remember them giving in every stage of my life. Whether it’s helping out a relative financially or being encouraging to close friends during a tough time, I’ve never heard my parents complain about anyone they’ve given to be a burden to them. They always gave (and still do give) willingly. They always gave together. It was always a collective decision. That has deeply blessed me and is something I’ve brought with me in my own marriage.
Making it work for the kids
Like any marriage, my parents have had hard seasons where they had to work through whatever issue they may have been going through. In hindsight, I know that they deeply considered my and my sister’s feelings when navigating the intricacies of their marriage. Considering us always – even in their hard seasons – is remarkable to me. They could’ve easily made an understandably self-serving decision to walk away from marriage in the hard seasons. But what I now understand about my parents as a married couple is that they are more committed to doing the work to make their marriage a good thing (for them & us as their kids) than they are walking away from it simply because it is imperfect. They’ve given me permission to do the same.
I deeply appreciate and am overwhelmingly inspired by their commitment to each other. Happy anniversary, Matt and Jat. I love you.
